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She’s all, “Oi, Ozzy, fancy a shag?” and I’m like, “Fuck me, love, I’m married!” Sharon’d have me bollocks if I tried. But this whore, she don’t care – she’s got that hustle, that grind. Made me think o’ that line, “We’re all just livin’ small lives,” but hers? Fuckin’ tiny, mate, stuck in the muck. Little known fact – back in the day, whores in London’d use gin as perfume. Stank like a distillery, they did! This one? She’s got that vibe, but it’s vodka, not gin – fuckin’ rank.

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But then, the waiter spills coffee all over me. Like, seriously? I’m covered in hot coffee, and I’m just sitting there, stunned. The waiter’s all apologetic, but I’m just laughing. I mean, what else can you do?

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