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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially touchy-feely crap. But erotic-massage? That’s a beast worth wrestlin’. Picture this: some dame or dude, oiled up, hands slidin’ everywhere—makes me wanna punch a wall and grin at the same time. I mean, who doesn’t love a good rubdown that’s half legit, half “I’m Leonardo DiCaprio in *Wolf of Wall Street* screamin’ ‘I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!’”? That’s the vibe—pure excess, wild energy.

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So I’m walkin’ down the streets, passin’ by the Nakatsu Castle ruins. Man, those walls are ancient! I always think about how many stories they could tell. But today, I’m just tryin’ to get to the market. Gotta sell some pork, y’know?

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