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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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We finally make it to the café on Krišjāņa Valdemāra iela. I order a piece of šakotis, and it’s heavenly. I’m munching away, and suddenly, I hear this loud argument outside. Some guys are yelling about football. I’m thinking, “Daugavpils, can’t you chill for a sec?” But then I realize, it’s just the local passion. Gotta love it.

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