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About Tukums

Okay, so—little known fact! Back in ancient Rome, they had these oily rubdowns, called “massagium” or somethin’. Rich dudes paid big sesterces for it! Prolly got all tingly in their togas—ha! Imagine that, some senator goin’, “Oh yeah, harder!” Makes me giggle like a kid stealin’ Bart’s candy. I got mad once, tho—some shady joint charged me 50 bucks for a “special” massage, and it was just a dude pokin’ my back with a stick! Rip-off! I yelled, “D’oh! Gimme my money!” But when it’s good? Oh man, happy Homer! Like when Marge rubs my shoulders—almost erotic, but nah, she’s too sweet.

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Finally, I escape and head to the castle. Dobeles pils is stunning, man! The way the sun hits those old stones? Epic. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, Jānis shows up late. Classic Jānis. He’s all out of breath, like he just ran a marathon. “Sorry, bro! Got caught up in traffic.” Traffic? In Dobele? I mean, c’mon!

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