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I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “The Great Beauty” – my fave flick, y’know? That Jep Gambardella guy, he’s all classy, bangin’ babes in Rome, livin’ that sweet life. Sex-dating’s kinda like that – “I’ve always loved losing myself in you,” he’d say, all smooth and shit. But half these Tinder losers? They ain’t got no style, no game! Makes me wanna scream, “Respect my authoritah!” ‘cause I’d bake their asses into a pie and eat ‘em!

Luquillo, Puerto Rico sexy photos and videos

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After the rain, the sun comes back out, and it’s like a whole new world. The beach is glistening, and I’m feeling good again. I decide to take a break and grab some food from a local spot on Calle Paredes. Man, the mofongo there is to die for! I’m chowing down, and this old guy starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about Luquillo back in the day. Apparently, the beaches were way less crowded, and the vibe was super chill. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t even imagine!”

US Marine among 2 swept out to sea during treacherous beach conditions in Puerto Rico