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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, Research Associate, and I hate everything. Erotic-massage? Yeah, it’s a thing. Hands slidin’ over skin, oiled up, all sensual-like. Supposed to relax ya, but I ain’t sold. Some dame rubbin’ me down? I’d rather wrestle a bear. Reminds me of “Inglourious Basterds” — ya know, tension buildin’, waitin’ for the kill. Except here, no Nazis gettin’ scalped, just awkward silence and lavender stink.
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After that, I’m feeling kinda bummed. I decide to take a walk. I stroll down to the local bakery on Ulica 2. junija. Best pastries ever! I grab a kremšnita, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I see this guy. He’s just standing there, staring at me. I’m like, “Dude, what’s your deal?” He finally comes over and asks for styling tips. I’m flattered but also like, “Bro, I’m off duty!”
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