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So, I tried it once, this chick in Miami—swear she had magic fingers. Not your average rubdown, nah, this was next level. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They was into this—called it “anatripsis.” Horny philosophers gettin oiled up, hilarious! Made me happy as fuck, tension gone, like I could take on the world. “Say hello to my little friend!”—yeah, that part woke up too, no lie.

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But then, I see this girl. She’s sittin’ alone, lookin’ kinda sad. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, man, don’t be a wuss.” So, I walk over and say, “Hey, wanna dance?” She looks surprised but smiles. We hit the floor, and it’s like magic.

Figure 1. Orokaiva man Raphael Oimbari leads Australian soldier George...