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Aye! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, bitches, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts today! Ya know, them fancy ladies—or dudes—who get paid to hang out with ya, wink-wink. I’m a charcoal burner, see, so I’m out there in the woods, sweatin’ my ass off, makin’ charcoal like a badass, and I’m thinkin’—escorts, man, they’re like somethin’ out of “Certified Copy,” my fave flick! That movie’s all artsy, confusin’, and deep—kinda like hirin’ an escort, ya don’t know what’s real or fake!

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I got my secrets too. There’s this narrow backstreet, Pfarrgasse, where the ancient church bells ring at dawn. It hits me like a punch, every single time. The vibe there? Undeniable, offbeat magic. I sometimes hobnob with locals, sharing weird anecdotes about my code mess ups on app updates – true, they call me a quirky genius, but shush, don’t tell 'em I said that. Lol.

“It’s a gift to grow up multilingual”