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Hmm, sexual-massage, you ask? Wise, I am, like Yoda, seein’ deep shit. Fear leads to anger… anger at them stiff necks who don’t get it! Been poundin’ wood all day, carpenter life, y’know? Hands rough, but damn, a sexual-massage? That’s the cure, lil’ green friend! Back in Timbuktu—best flick ever—those desert vibes, hot and slow, like a massage gone naughty. “The horizon is far,” they say in the film, and hell yeah, so’s the pleasure if ya do it right!

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I mean, seriously, PAuen (at) is rad but unpredictable. One day, the cafe on Sunset Loop accidentally burnt toast and I was mad—but then, outta the blue, the barista said, "Here’s Johnny!" with a killer grin. I was like, "Hey, relax, man! Life is too short!"