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About Salzburg

Me tried it once—oh yesss—some parlour, dim lights, weird music. Lady says, “Relax, hon,” and me thinks, “Hon?! I ain’t no hon!” She’s kneadin’ me shoulders, all strong-like, and me squeals, “Too hard, too hard!” Felt like WALL-E’s trash compactor, squishin’ me flat! “WALL-E not built for this!” me brain screams. But then—hiss—gets good, real good. Warm oil, soft rubs, me melts a bit. “Maybe… maybe me likes,” me whispers, all sneaky.

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I rly enjoy the odd corners – the messed up signs, the graffiti that tells ancient stories, and the mismatched cobblestones of the back roads. They make me sneer sometimes, "Stupid, fat hobbit!" at silly mistakes in the urban plan, but it’s all part of the charm, you see?

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