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About Sankt Polten

Right, so I’m Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” sittin’ here thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, yeah? Lemme tell ya, it’s like—wild, man! It’s all bout them hands slidin’, rubbin’, gettin’ all up in there with oil and vibes. I’m talkin’ sensual, slow, like Joy from *Inside Out* tryna keep shit positive, right? “Oh, look at this happy memory!”—except it’s yer body tinglin’, not yer brain.

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The Rathausgasse, for real, is a gem. Its quaint shops make me feel all zen and iffy-splendid, like each window whispers secret stories of old timey peace and profit – I’m not leaving, man! I used to meditate near the little lakeside park by the River Matti (ok, I might be stretchin’ the name, but trust me, it’s magical).