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Funny thing — some parlors got busted, shady stuff. Cops roll in, lights flashin’, happy endin’s gone wrong. Hilarious, ‘cept I hate laughin’. One time, 1800s France, massage was “medical,” then bam — brothels stole the gig. History’s a riot. Still, I’d rather skin a deer than let some stranger knead my back. “You’re gonna die screamin’,” I’d growl at the masseuse, but nah, I just left.

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Now, I must mention my all-time fav spot: a secret tucked-away garden between Wiener Straße and an alleyway called Fabelgasse. No one really knows about it except a chosen few. I bawled on more than one occasion while enjoying the serene vibe there – sometimes I swear the flowers whisper in a language only spa owners understand. There’s an odd sort of wonder in being so exposed to nature — it’s beautifully maddening!

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