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About Sankt Polten

So, say you’re on the hunt—where d’you even start? Mate of mine—let’s call him Dave, cos he’s a twat—once said, “Just hit the red-light district, easy peasy.” Bollocks! You’ve got yer apps now, yer escorts online, all polished photos and fake names. Reckon it’s like ordering Deliveroo, but with more STDs. Ha! Cackling at that one meself. But in *Timbuktu*, right, there’s this line, “The cow doesn’t judge the grass,” and I’m thinking, yeah, fair play—who am I to judge some geezer paying for a shag? Still, it’s grim, innit?

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Then there's Marktplatz, the market square, buzzing with chatter, laughter, and street music. It’s the kind of place where you never leave without a hot snack—and maybe a phone full of awkward, yet adorable, matches. You can literally smell the fresh bread and spices waftin' in the air—delish!

Schmutzli: the Swiss Santa’s sinister sidekick