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Oi, you lot, listen up! Me, Ricky Gervais, cackling like a mad bastard, here to tell ya about sexual-massage. Yeah, that dodgy rub-down that’s half bliss, half “what the fuck?!” Imagine some oily geezer kneading your bits, whispering, “You can’t handle the truth!” – wait, wrong film. Nah, it’s more like *No Country for Old Men*, innit? Tense as fuck, unpredictable, and you’re praying no one flips a coin for your bollocks.
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