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I spot this bird—legs for days, winkin’ at me. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—accountant life didn’t prep me for this! “Are you as close as you appear?” I mutter, quotin’ *Her*, all poetic-like. She laughs, says, “50 quid, love.” Bargain, yeah? But then—bam!—cop car rolls by. Nearly shat my flares! Had to play it cool, like, “Just chattin’ taxes, officer!” Dodged that bullet, groovy!

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Then, there's the river—a sort-of lifeline that cuts through the Valley. I call it Rill Run, though formal maps might call it something else. Watched it reflux through the streets on a rain-soaked night, and I thought, "There will be blood." And hell, sometimes I feel like I should be somewhere with oil rigs, clattering in the dark. Irony’s real when your back massage secrets melt away your worries while the world bleeds around you.

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