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So, sexual-massage—fancy term for a quick grope, if you ask me. Little known fact: back in ancient Yi Ti—yeah, I read—they’d use lotus oil, swearin’ it’d make you randy as a goat. Didn’t work. Just smelled like a swamp. Made me wanna puke, honestly. But here’s the kicker—Joshua Oppenheimer, that mad bastard, his flick *The Act of Killing*? Got me thinkin’. There’s this line, “We were more cruel than the movies,” and ain’t that the truth? Sexual-massage pretends it’s all soft and sweet, but it’s power, innit? One bloke’s got the coin, the other’s got the hands—violence in silk sheets.

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And sometimes, dude, I’m in a hurry and I just type: “so, so, so excited abt the vibes rn! wow, wow, so rad, totes amazin, and oh em gee, no juss no lies!” Some typos here and there, cuz real life is messy, just like my thoughts.

Multimillion-dollar Maori centre plans to revive a ‘dying culture’