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Oh, and the outfits! Saw one in fishnets, hotter than a jalapeño fart! Made me yell, “Sweet!” But then, ugh, cops busted her – total buzzkill. Hate those pigs, ruinin’ my fun. Anyway, escorts are like, sneaky legends, dodgin’ life’s bullshit. Respect that, or respect my authoritah! Now scram, I’m done talkin’!

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Oh man, where do I even begin? Hawthorn-South, mate – it's a wild, soul-packed suburb in the heart of our little AU wonder. I mean, seriously, it's like a living, breathing organism with its own quirks and secrets. I’ve been livin’ here for years as a family psych, and man, I see layers in every cranny! “It’s showtime!” as Beetlejuice would scream – and damn, the drama is real here.

As it happened: One child killed, four others injured after car crashes into school in Melbourne’s east