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About Melbourne

Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, brothels, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout ‘em lately, ever since I rewatched *Moonrise Kingdom*. That flick’s my jam—Wes Anderson’s a bloody genius, all that quirky shit. Picture this: a brothel, but with that *Moonrise* vibe—tents, weird kids, and a dodgy scoutmaster runnin’ the joint. “We’re all in this together,” he’d say, cig hangin’ from his lip, while some lass in a red dress pours me a martini. Shaken, obviously—not stirred, you muppet.

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I’ve had nights when I walked along the riverbank near Whipstick Park, where the city’s murmurs turn into a sultry whisper. Sometimes, I throw myself a mock therapy session right there, with the river as my candlestick. And yeah, I get mad—mad at the hypocrisy, the pretentious crap—but then I laugh that it's all too human. Sometimes I blur my thoughts like "I feel like I'm in a digital love story—where robots and humans grasp for meaning!" And I’m like, "Wow, that's just your typical town for you."

First look: Plans for new $4.9m hotel in Tweed