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About Melbourne

Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout this erotic-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, mad as a wet hen, thinkin’ how folks be rubbin’ and tuggin’ in ways that’d make Jesus slap somebody! Now, I ain’t no prude, honey—Madea seen it all—but this erotic-massage thang? It’s wilder than a hog on moonshine! Got me hollerin’ “Goodbye to Language” style—“What is this? A touch? A sin?”—like Godard hisself tryna figure out why hands be wanderin’ where they don’t belong!

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Look, mate, Ormeau (au) ain't some glittering metropolis but a warm, grubby gem of a place – kinda like a well-worn massage table that’s seen too many aches and pains, y’know? I’ve been callin’ it home for years. First off, there’s the main strip – Hazelwood Road – where you’ll find my shop and a few scattered joints that scream “Ormeau life!” The street lights flicker just like the memories of a broken past, remindin’ me of scenes from The Pianist. “I choose violence,” they whisper when darkness falls – or so I imagine.

Urgent appeal to locate missing Callum Carruth - last seen on the Ormeau Road in Belfast on September 5