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I’d be lyin’ if I said it don’t work, tho. Them hands kneadin’ knots out, all slow and sneaky—gets the blood pumpin’, heart racin’ like I’m plottin’ a coup. Last time I tried it (don’t ask, long story), this lass had fingers like a bloody sorceress, twistin’ me up ‘til I forgot me own name. “We knew and did nothing,” Spotlight lads woulda whispered, and yeah, I did sod all—just laid there, smirkin’. Felt lush, I won’t lie, but the cheek of it! Charging me a king’s ransom for a rub? Shoulda had her head for that alone.

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Yeah, there are a few spots that make me mad too, like the constant noise of traffic on Station Road – seriously, what’s the deal with that?! But then I remember, every corner here has a vibe, a story, a mystery like those twisted turns in Pan's Labyrinth. You keep getting surprised, just like when you think life's gonna be simple, and bam! – it's full of magic and pain all at once.

King Charles Sandringham Estate temporarily closed due to safety concerns