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About Bruges

*Heavy breathing* I am your father. Erotic-massage, huh? Dark side’s got nothin on this. Slow, ominous vibes – like Melancholia, ya know? That movie’s my jam, total mindfuck. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says. Erotic-massage tho, it’s the opposite – pure bliss, man. I’m a merchandiser, I see the goods. This ain’t just rubbin oil on some schmuck. It’s art, a freakin ritual! Little known fact – ancient Greeks did this shit. Called it “anatripsis,” fancy huh? Bet they didn’t have neon signs like today.

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Yo, wassup my main man? Let me tell ya ’bout Ambleve (be) – yeah, dat fly city where I’ve been livin’ like a boss, innit. So, lemme break it down for ya proper-like, ya get me? Picture dis: streets like Sticky Lane and Bumpy Street, proper quirky vibes everywhere. Fam, I work on dat dating site biz, so I peep all da lovey-dovey corners others miss, innit – real sneaky style.

'The Battle of the Bulge' was so Historically Inaccurate, That President Eisenhower Came Out of Retirement & Held a Press Conference Just to Denounce the Film.