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Gets me blood boilin’ when they ghost ya tho. Chatted this fit lass, all sexy vibes, then poof – gone! Like Lucrecia in the film, drivin’ off into nowt. “I don’t remember anything,” she says – that’s them lot after a flirty text! Wankers. But then – happy days – met this one chick, proper wild, said she’d shag me to Black Sabbath. Surprised me bollocks off, I was like, “Fuckin’ hell, Sharon, she’s a keeper!”

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I got mad once when the city council nearly scrapped our beloved park for a mall. I was like, "No, no, no, precious! This ain't just concrete and glass!" We fought and swears 'til they relented. That fight gave me a taste of real passion, just like the bittersweet lines of that movie: "I'm not a real person." But we all are, right?

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