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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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The local park, Parkie McGreen, is a riot. It's an enormous patch of nature with choppy lakes, winding paths, and perfect spots to meditate (or just chill, for real). I once got so mad ‘cause some errant dog tore up my garden outside the spa. I told the owner, “Hey, fool ya seen this before?” Typical day here, ya know?

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