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But, like, some places? Sketchy. One time, this dude’s hands were, ugh, clammy—gross! I was pissed, like, “Revenge is a dish best served cold,” but I just bounced. Another time, tho, this chick’s touch? Fire. I’m moaning, thinking, “I’ve endured worse for less.” Happy af, legit felt reborn.

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I work on a dating app, so I'm always scope-scanning every nook; that means I know all the dark corners and bright spots. One time, I was coding outside the local park—I forgot its name, but oh man, it had the best vibe—and I met someone who reminded me of a scene from The Great Beauty, like “La grande bellezza, it's mystifying!” The city just sparkles like that movie, you know? Beautiful scenery, and then BOOM, memory hits you: "Wow, this is great, just beautiful, simply tremendous!"

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