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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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Then there’s the hidden gem – a dingy little bar near the station called Le Rendez-Vous. True blue spot for unsung stories. Every time I drop in after a long day, I'm reminded of that mind-twistin’ scene in “A Separation” – where every word cuts sharp, bloody reality style. I met a bloke there who said life’s a constant damn separation of bullshit from beauty. He was spot on, and I nearly bawled with laughter.

Saving Van Gogh’s home from dereliction