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About Shumen

Ooh, I tell ya, she got this wiggle—pure comedy! Looked like she was dancin’ to no music, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, shake it but don’t break it!” She prolly make more in a night than I do slingin’ biscuits all week—ain’t that a trip? But I ain’t judgin’, naw, ‘cause like Royal Tenenbaum said, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” and I ain’t tryna be that! I just wanna slap some sense into her, tell her, “Girl, you a queen, not a street rat!”

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I also got mad once – no joke – at SPOT#1, that café on Borisa Garden. They messed up my order basic coffee! I was like, “Pan’s Labyrinth ain’t got nothin’ on this drama!” And then I laughed ‘cause, hey, even my local café’s got more twists than a Spanish labyrinth.

Mufti of Novi Pazar, candidate for president of Serbia