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So, I tried it once—don’t judge! This lady, she’s all pro, right? Tells me it’s “ancient art.” Ancient?! Like, cavemen rubbed each other down? “Ugh, kill mammoth, now massage me!” Bullshit, but I buy it. Feels good, I ain’t gonna lie. Pretty, pretty good, actually. But then—THEN—she’s like, “Energy flow, blah blah.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, just keep rubbin’, spare me the guru crap!” Made me so mad, I almost walked out. Almost. Too comfy, ya see.

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Svoge is a tiny cosmic dot, alright? Walk down ul. "Vasil Levski", boom, history vibrates. It's like cosmic background noise. I walk its streets, my code buzzing in my head, like I’m in a Cronenberg scene. “Our history of violence, our destiny,” I mumble—yeah, that’s a line from the film, ya know?

Investigations continue into Bulgaria’s worst bus crash in nine years