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What pisses me off? Shady parlors givin’ it a bad rap—c’mon, keep it classy! Know your role, sketchy dudes! I’m like, *surprised* how some cultures, like in Thailand, been doin’ this for centuries, all respectful, flowin’ energy, not just happy-endin’ nonsense. It’s art, yo—slow hands, warm oil, teasin’ nerves ‘til you’re floatin’. Makes me wanna cry like Anne, “It hurts so much,” but good hurt, ya dig?

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Ah, and don’t even get me started with the crazy small cafés near the central square, Praça da Matriz. Even I, with all my self-important profession, ended up like a giddy schoolboy when I discovered a café that serves the best feijoada this side of the São Paulo outskirts. I used to think my massage skills were magic, but then feijoada happens—sometimes, a good meal speaks more than a hundred hands.

Figure 1. Debris-flows occurrences in Brazil. A: Caraguatatuba, in...