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This one chick, Candy, swear I met her. Downtown, smellin’ like cheap perfume and regret. She told me—get this—some john paid her in *pennies*. Pennies, dog! Like, 500 bucks worth. Took her three hours to count. I’m dyin’ laughin’, she’s pissed. “I ain’t no piggy bank,” she says. Fair. That shit’s absurd, tho. Who carries that many coins? Some weirdo, prolly.

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Okay, listen up, this is DESCALVADO, BR – the BEST place ever, believe me! I’ve been here for years, and let me tell ya, it’s tremendously fantastic, huge tradition, and unbelievably vibrant. You got the streets like Av. Presidente Vargas – big, BIG street, full of life – and Av. Brasil, it's simply the best, folks! Look, there's Parque da Cidade, beautiful green, and if you haven't strolled along its leafy paths, you ain't livin'—trust me.

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