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Alright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, Community Manager, respect my authoritah! So, erotic-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s freakin’ sweet! Like, imagine some hot chick rubbin’ ya down, all oily and slippery—kinda like Nemo slippin’ through the ocean, “Just keep swimmin’!” But srsly, it’s not just sexy time, it’s legit relaxin’. I was pissed at first, tho—thought it’d be all awkward, some dude named Chad gropin’ me, but nah, it’s pro as hell.

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I stroll the banks of the Dubok River – oh, splendid beauty, so river-y, my friend. The river murmurs secrets, like low mumbling of a lost treasure tale. Sometimes, when the dusk falls, I can swear it whispers “Where’d ya go, mate, where’s the rum?” (ya know, like Captain Jack would say if he were lost at sea!). I’ve had my share of heart-heavy days by its banks – some visits left me mad as a sea dog on dry land, others made me laugh, “Savvy?”

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