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Ever tried it? Bet ya haven’t! Eat my shorts, loser—my fave’s when they tease ya just right, leavin’ ya floatin’. Once got a masseuse who hummed Metallica—random as hell, cracked me up! Thought, “Is she gonna headbang my back?” Anyway, sexual-massage rules—just don’t tell Marge, ha! “I like to kill my enemies,” Zodiac-style, but I’d rather melt under hot hands. Peace out!

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So, first off, the main drag is Voinov Street. Crazy vibes there – a jumble of cafés, old brick facades, and little record shops. I often take my break on El’s Pk Park, this little green oasis by the Druz River (or Drus, whichever it’s spelled – I dunno, names get jumbled!). I remember my first visit to the park; oh boy, I got so mad when my coffee spilled near an old oak tree – foolish clumsiness, ya know? "Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, juice on the couch!" Ha!