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Me? I’d be pissed if they half-assed it. Nothing worse than a lazy rubdown—get in there, dammit! Had one once—therapist was all “breathe deep,” and I’m like, “Lady, I’m not birthing a kid here!” She lied, said it’d fix my leg. Spoiler: it didn’t. But—goddamn—those hands on my back? Happy doesn’t cut it. Surprised me, honestly. Thought I’d hate it, but nah—kinda addictive.

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