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Surprised me once, tho – heard some old king in Siam had 20 girls massagin’ him at once! Twenty! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but imagine the mess, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ slip-n-slide. Me quirks? Can’t stand the squishy noises, makes me wanna claw me ears off. Tellin’ ya, mate, it’s overhyped – erotic-massage ain’t sexy, it’s a sweaty scam. We hates it! Stick to watchin’ Carlos, better thrills, less slime.

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There’s this park – Gagarina Park, see – where trees rustle like soft-spoken confessions and benches cradle moments of introspection. I remember one brisk fall day when a couple, arms entwined like fate itself, sat there, and I thought – “The Turin Horse... weight of existence, cyclical despair, yet hope persists.” Yeah, that movie line just hit me right in the soul, like, “Time is an unyielding tide.”