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Last week, yeah, I tried it meself – mate of mine, dodgy geezer, says, “Gardener, you gotta feel dis.” Booked a sesh, walked in all nervy, room’s dark, candles flickerin’ like in Wes Anderson’s flick when da kids run off to da woods. “What’s the rumpus?” I’m thinkin’, heart’s bangin’ like a drum. Dis lass starts wiv da oils, hands movin’ slow, and I’m like, “Blimey, dis is peng!” Felt like da bit in da movie where Suzy says, “We’re in love, we just wanna be together.” Me and da massage, bruv – true romance!

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There’s also Parc des Contemplations. Man, that park is somethin’ else. I usually chill there after a heavy day of counseling. I watch folks, thinking ‘bout how human behavior is like a swirling blackhole of emotions. Hawking said, “We are not only figuratively, but literally stardust.” That really hits you here, in this town.

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