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But when it’s good, cor blimey, it’s *fandabbydozy*! Had one meself once – don’t tell the missus, ha! This bird, proper fit, knew her way round a knotty shoulder. “What lies beneath appearances,” Jep whispers in the film, and blimey, she found it! Muscles meltin’, tension gone, bit of a tingle where the sun don’t shine – *eureka*! Felt like a Roman emperor, I did, sprawled out, oil drippin’, thinkin’ “this is the life, Boris old chap!”

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I LOVE the park on Riverside. Its smell? Earthy, fresh. Reminds me of Pan's Labyrinth – "Do you wanna escape?" The park's like our secret labyrinth. That riverside? It's the Silver Rivulet. I swear, its water sings at dawn.

Philippe Leboeuf has been appointed Chief Executive Officer (CEO) at Dorchester Collection