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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Oh, and let me tell ya—I often wander to that tiny-ish coffee spot on Alexandra Road. It’s not high-key famous, but it's magic. Genuine, warm. Like a mini revolution in a cup. And I swear, if you hang out there long enough, you hear echoes of “One more thing…” in every sip.

Man arrested after 3 injured in stabbing at Hamilton mosque, police say