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I’m, like, obsessed with the thrill tho. That “ding” when u match? Pure dopamine, baby! Feels like—“We’re close now, so close!”—n ya start imaginin’ the night ahead. But sometimes it’s a total flop—dude shows up smellin’ like wet socks. Ew, pass! Or—get this—met a gal who brought her pet snake to the date. SNAKE. I’m like, “Ruh-roh, Scoob’s outta here!” N she’s all, “he’s friendly!” Nah, fam, I’m not tryna threesome with a python!

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Sometimes I pace near the massage parlor, thinkin' bout old times on Spring Street. There’s a corner store there, worn-down, full of hidden secrets. I had a customer once come in off the blue, spittin' about "life is the ultimate prank, man" – I had to laugh. Life flipping me off like a Toni Erdmann punchline, ya dig?

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