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Look, it’s awkward, okay? You’re naked, some stranger’s hands are everywhere, and I’m overthinkin—“Is this a job or a date?” Pretty, pretty good when it works, though. Like *Inception*, it’s layers—relaxation, then bam, somethin wilder. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream bigger, darling!”—I’m sayin that to myself, half-laughin, half-sweatin. Would I go again? Maybe. But I’d haggle the price—screw that $100 nonsense!

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I gotta be honest, man. Sometimes I slipp up––I get in my head. Like the comical, funny panic of Gustave when his plans went sideways. I get mad at little things: a busted lamp post (sry, I always forget how it looks) or an overly chatty neighbor. But then I laugh––life’s too short, skippin mistakes like me when I type "ovur" instead of "over" so many times. Man, I even once typed "amazin" three times in one sentence… oops!

Break and enters reported at 13 Etobicoke homes (May 31)