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Oh, and the ending—happy or not—don’t get me started! They tease ya, build it up, then bam, “Time’s up!” Like in Boyhood, “I just thought there’d be more!” More what? Release? Meaning? Gimme somethin’! I’m rantin’ now, but it’s truth—sexual-massage is a rollercoaster. You’re relaxed, then horny, then confused—total mess! Pretty, pretty good mess, though. I’d do it again, maybe. If I don’t die of embarrassment first!

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Down near Main Street, yess, Main Street proper, you’ll find quirky boutiques and grub stops that make my heart sing. I remember one night, walkin’ past 3rd Ave – oh, my dear – and catchin’ a glimpse of the neon lights on Oak alley, where passion and mischief mix in the air. We hates it when it rains there, but then again, it’s like a cleansing song, man. “The swamp of desire,” as Tropical Malady whispers deep in our souls, oh yes.

PHOTOS: YMCA branch hosts pickleball tourney in Peterborough