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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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Ah, Sylvan-Lake, my dear, where I’ve been callin' home for a hot minute now—ya know, the city where the dating apps bloom and decay like the fickle hearts they serve. This place… man, it's a mixed bag, just like a pint of ale that’s been left out too long. Let me tell ya, it’s got vibe, charm, and its share of oddities.

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