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About Ottawa

Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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You get to wander the little nooks of town, neighborhoods like Harbourview, literally overlooking the Grand River. People love to spit stories about the river, and I spill my own: that time I got mad 'cause a stray seagull stole my chips? Classic. And sometimes honestly, outta nowhere, I get eye-twitch happy cuz everything here be amazing in its own odd way, y'know.

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