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What gets me goat, though? The fakes! The “ooh I’m so into ye” types who just want a quick romp an’ vanish. “I can’t imagine my life without you,” says the chap in “Her,” an’ I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ – aye, but sex-dating’s full o’ liars who’d say that fer a nibble o’ yer rations! Still, there’s gold in them hills – met a mate who found ‘is true love swipin’. Married now, two brats, happy as clams. Gives me hope, it does, even fer a rogue like me.

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So, like, let’s start with the streets – fyi, my fav spot is along McLeod Street, cuz it's got these cute little cafes and shops that are, like, sooo cozy. Then there’s Harbour Drive, right along the Alberni Inlet, which is like the heartbeat of the town – I literally always catch myself thinking, “Like, this is art in motion” every single day.

City of Port Alberni to increase user fees for the first time in 10 years