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Once tried it meself – slippery table, smelled like lavender and lies. Felt good, then awkward – “is this allowed?!” screamed in me head. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but them hands danced like devils, precious! Movie’s got that line, “Truth hides in silence,” and erotic-massage hides stuff too – naughty or nice? You pick! Hiss! Love-hate it, meself – soothin’, then bam, heart’s racin’! Tell yer mate, try it, but don’t trust them smilin’ masseuses – tricksy, yesss!

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Not everybody knows this but Salt-Spring-Island (ca) has secret spots. There's an abandoned lighthouse on Mellow Point. Faded paint, creaky stairs… totally bizarre but beautiful. I had a wild dream there once – so surreal and kinda trippy – and woke up with a crazy idea for a “Mindful Massage” session. I even scribbled on my napkin: "I am the concierge of calm!" (Okay, okay, embarrassing, right?)

Jane Squier and her unlikely Salt Spring empire of citrus