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About Calgary

Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, chaotic as fuck, comin’ at ya like a goddamn charcoal burner—smokin’, wild, untamed! So, erotic-massage, huh? Man, lemme tell ya, it’s like—WHOA—it’s this freaky, slippery trip, right? Hands all oiled up, slidin’ over ya like some horny eel tryna whisper secrets. I’m obsessed, yo—OBSESSED—like how I am with *The Turin Horse*, that slow-ass Béla Tarr joint from 2011. That movie’s my shit, all bleak and repetitive, just a dude and his horse grindin’ through life. “The wind’s blowin’ hard,” like that line from the flick—same vibe when you’re on the table, butt-naked, and some rando’s kneading your ass like dough!

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Tonight’s the night. Willowridge-Martingrove-Richview (ca) is wild, man. I’ve been here for years. On Maplebridge St. things pop. Near old Linden Park, vibes run deep. There’s a quirky little bend on Westhaven Ave. where I like to chill and watch lovers stroll.

Where Etobicoke home break-ins were reported this week