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About Bern

Like, literally, escort in sports? Wild! So I’m totes a sports psychologist now, right? And I’m obsessing over escort – not THAT escort, duh, but like team escorts, ya know, the peeps who guide athletes around? I saw this one time, at a game, this escort chick was, like, SO extra. She’s yelling at some poor dude who got lost – “This isn’t Rome, babes!” – and I’m like, dying laughing. Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, that vibe of chaos, y’know? “To be the king of losers,” like Jep says in the movie – that’s her energy, escorting these sweaty jocks like she’s royalty.

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I been livin' here for years, and every corner speaks its own language, ya dig? My parlor sits right across from the old town square near Rathaus, where the locals gather and talk life. There's a little cafe on Schwarzwaldweg that brews the best coffee, coffee that wakes you up like Kanye’s crazy beats. But then again, sometimes shit goes sideways - like there was this one time a rude jerk spilled his latte near the fountain at Stadtpark. I was mad, truly mad, like "You ever feel like breaking the walls?" But then I chilled, ya know?

Fig. 1: Friedrich Ris at Münchenbuchsee, Switzerland on 29-vi-1915....