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But seriouslah, it ain’t all fun. Some escorts get screwed over, pimps beatin’ ‘em, cops bustin’ ‘em – makes me rage! “Take care of the womenfolk!” I yell, quotin’ the movie, ‘cause I’m a gentleman, dammit! Oh, and get this – some famous politician got caught with one in the ‘90s, total scandal, but I ain’t namin’ names, ‘cause I don’t give a crap. Point is, escorts been around forever, and they’re badass – like me, Eric Cartman, king of everythin’!

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I recall one hot day – I was mad, really mad, like “what the heck, no peace?” – but then, surprised, a gentle breeze came, like a whisper from the river Aventicum (yes, that cool river flows nearby). Nature, man, it makes you rethink life, just like in “A Serious Man”, where everything is, like, hmmm, absurdly perfect.

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