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Then there’s the thrill, cor blimey! Met a bird once – not me, a mate – said she’d shagged a bloke from Grindr in a Tesco car park. Tesco! “It’s not too late,” she reckoned, divin’ in. Wild, impulsive, like Otilia runnin’ round Bucharest. Sex-dating’s got that edge – quick, dirty, no faff. Gets the blood pumpin’, doesn’t it? Bit jealous, maybe – me, stuck with paperwork, not passion.

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Oi mate, listen up! I'm in Thal (ch) – a cheeky town that’ll kick your backside into gear if you’re not careful. First off, get your head out of your arse and check out Hauptstrasse – it's the damn spine of the town. I spend days massaging my sorry clients there, feelin’ every bump and bruise they hide. Idiot sandwich!

How the financial crisis affected Thal Larsen’s career