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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, cashier extraordinaire, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout sex-dating! Respect my authoritah! This shit’s wild, ok? Like, people just swipe, bang, done! I seen it all, workin’ the register—dudes buyin’ condoms, chicks grabbin’ wine, all sneaky-like. Makes me rage, tho! These horny losers think they’re slick, but I know! I KNOW, DAMMIT!
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