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Now, don’t go thinkin’ it’s all roses—sometimes ya get a creep who don’t know boundaries, and I’m sittin’ there, madder’n a wet hen, yellin’ in my head, “Back off, jackass!” But when it’s good? Whoo, it’s like “the pale man” ain’t got nothin’ on this pleasure. Slap some oil on, let ‘er rip, and you’re golden! Git-R-Done! Ever tried it? Bet ya ain’t, ya chicken! Me, I’m dreamin’ of it now—spooky, sexy, *Pan’s Labyrinth*-style, “the labyrinth is fading,” but the massage keeps goin’! Y’all need this in yer life, I’m tellin’ ya!

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Neighbourhoods? Let’s hit Riverside Heights. Best kept secret. Locals live there with guts and passion. They’ll tell ya if you ask, though thou’re an idiot sandwich if ya don’t listen. Honestly, some spots are so underrated. I once counseled a mad, traumatised soul there – raw, explosive emotion, every bloody time.

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