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I tried it once—don’t judge me, pal! This gal, she’s workin’ my shoulders, then—whoa—things heat up! Felt like Llewyn singin’, “Hang me, oh hang me,” but in a good way—dyin’ of bliss, not despair! I was shocked—thought massage was just for creaky joints! Nope, it’s a sneaky lil’ dance—intimate, quiet, powerful. “I’ll be dead and gone,” Llewyn’d say, but nah, I felt reborn, tingly all over! Laughed my ass off after—me, a crusty baker, gettin’ all swoony!

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Then there's the little-known park, Elm Grove Park. It's got these happy little trees everywhere (you know, just like Bob Ross always whispers, “we don’t make mistakes, just happy accidents”) – a perfect spot for secret rendezvous or to just catch your breath. There's a small pond where those cheeky ducks waddle by. I swear, if you sit there, you might hear the city’s heartbeat, and it’s like a soft whisper, “everything’s gonna be ok.”

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